If Decades Were Days

I’ve always found Groundhog Day to be confusing. If the groundhog sees his shadow, it’s six more weeks of winter. If not, it’s an early spring. So…which is the one we want again? Frankly, I’d be happy with either. March used to be tolerable only because it was maple syrup season and we could look forward to Maplefest. Now we don’t even have that, and this year the weather has been particularly miserable, so it’s been the season of escapist travel planning, specifically places we can be next March that are not here. It’s also good weather for sitting inside and pontificating about life.

When my sister and I were on our Jamaican holiday, I noticed how much easier it was to enjoy the first half of the vacation than the last half. At some point on day 3 or 4, even though it felt like we’d just arrived, we realized that our holiday would soon be over. That made enjoying ourselves feel more…urgent. We were very conscious of time passing and the need to soak it in and enjoy it while it lasts.

At the beginning of the week we were completely relaxed as we lay in the sun. It’s not that we weren’t enjoying ourselves in the last half of the week, but the awareness that we had limited time was always there. It wasn’t as easy to just ‘be’ and not focus on our impending departure.

It struck me that life is like that too, and I started thinking about which day of my vacation I’d be on. If decades were days, I’d be close to the end of the sixth day. In my family, our ‘trips’ tend to last 8 days or less, so I mentally converted my life into an 8-day vacation.

I spent the first day in Winnipeg. What I recall most about that day is family celebrations with parents, siblings, grandparents and cousins. Fun, cakes, and presents. A good day.

The second day was in Georgetown (we moved to Ontario a few days before my 10th birthday). I went from playing with barbies at the beginning of the day to leaving home for university at the end of the day. I got a bit moody in the afternoon, but otherwise it was a pretty good day.

The third day. What a day that was! For the first half, I lived on a university campus in Toronto, and the second half I lived at Stockholm University. Admittedly, I was feeling pretty insecure and self-absorbed that day, but there were also parties; deep philosophical discussions; travel; and so many new experiences. I wasted a couple of hours at the end of that day just kinda staring into space trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life.

The fourth day, I moved to Ottawa and Ray asked if I wanted to hang out with him for the rest of the trip. I said “I do”, got a cool government job, gave birth to an awesome little human and settled into the routine of work and family life. We traveled and made new friends, but before we knew it, the fourth day had bled into the fifth. We spiced up the fifth day by moving to England – lots of travel, new experiences, and new friends.

We moved back to Canada near the end of that fifth day and that’s when it hit me. I realized there were only a few days left. I started losing people I loved. Of course, I’d always known the trip would end, but suddenly it became real. The trip ends. No extensions granted.

Ever since then, I’ve had that underlying sense of urgency. “Soak it in! Appreciate this time. Enjoy it while it lasts.” Ironically, that urgency makes it harder to be content.

Time’s passing so quickly. What should I be doing?!?

Chill. Enjoy the moment.

Eek, the moments keep passing! There’s not enough time left!

On the plus side, as I edge closer to the end of the sixth day, I’m more certain about what matters. Whether it’s due to aging, the pandemic or being retired, I’ve been able to hone in on what brings me the most happiness: connecting with friends and family; contributing in some meaningful way; and having new adventures/experiences, all of which have been somewhat curtailed by the pandemic, creating an even greater sense of urgency.

Hmm. Is that a depressing post? It’s not meant to be. Just reflecting on what’s been a pretty awesome trip so far, and the paradox that sometimes the more we focus on something, the less likely we are to achieve it.

On the topic of time passing, yesterday Ray and I celebrated 2.7 days of marriage! That’s almost half the trip. We travel well together. 🙂