Refilling the Bucket

One of the things we took into account when deciding where to spend our retirement was our social support system. We knew we could make new friends, but we also recognized the importance of maintaining friendships that have stood the test of time…people who’ve spent enough time with us to know our flaws and personality quirks; who see our strengths and motivate us to get outside our comfort zone; who allow us to be vulnerable without fear of judgment; who are there for us when the chips are down; and, who we never have to question whether they really like us because we can feel the love. Those are people we want to keep in our lives forever.

We’ve caught up with a lot of those friends over the past couple of weeks. I don’t think I realized how drained my battery was until it was fully recharged. I have to keep re-reminding myself that two things can be true – I can recognize that I’m extremely fortunate and be grateful for that, AND I can be affected by what’s going on in the world. Pretty much everyone I know is struggling in some way after the past year and a half, whether it’s anxiety, weight gain, lack of motivation, depression, lethargy, sleep issues, or mysterious physical ailments that may or may not be stress-related.

Spending a hot summer weekend at the cottage with friends was exactly what the doctor would have ordered (if I could find a doctor). It’s been a while since we’ve been together. The hugs were a little tighter and we held on a little longer.

This cottage is my happy place. My sanctuary.

Ten years ago, we moved back from England. Nick was 12 years old and had just said goodbye to his close-knit group of friends and a school and life he loved. The night we arrived back in Canada, my mom was rushed to the hospital with abdominal pain. She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia and given weeks to live. Rob and Sue invited Nick to the cottage. He went waterskiing and tubing and hung out with their boys. He got to enjoy summer and be a kid. Ray and I joined him there later and it was an oasis in a storm.

Three years ago, Nick found out he was cancer-free the day before we headed to our annual Canada Day gathering at the cottage. Ten adults, ten kids. It was a celebratory weekend full of joy (I wrote about it here). Two years ago, we gathered again, marking one year in remission. Nick made this short video that captured the mood.

This past weekend the five couples gathered again, without the ‘kids’. After such an abnormal year and half, the familiarity of our cottage routines was comforting. There’d be margaritas on the boat, dinner on the deck, music and laughter. In the early morning, when the lake was still like glass, Heather and Ray would be out in their kayaks, Sue might go for a SUP, Jen would do yoga on the deck, and the rest of us would groggily load up on caffeine.

We eat so much when we get together that it feels like one continuous meal. Add in snacks, desserts, and drinks and it’s a calorie extravaganza. But I actually believe it will help with weight management. Hear me out. Most of us overeat because we’re emotional or stress eaters and we’re trying to fill a void. So, if we refill our emotional buckets by consuming voraciously with friends, we won’t have that void and we’ll be strong enough to get ourselves back on track when we get home. What do you think?

When making our pro and cons list for moving to Brighton, on the ‘pro’ side was that our friends Ric and Sue had recently moved to Cobourg which is only a half-hour drive from Brighton. Ray has known Ric since birth and I’ve known them for decades. On a hot, humid day (there’ve been a lot of those this month), we met at a dog-friendly beach between Cobourg and Brighton for an evening picnic.

Joanna and I met through Big Sisters 26 years ago. Our Little Sisters were sisters and we remained close friends even after our ‘littles’ moved away. We met for brunch last week in Kingston (between Ottawa and Brighton).

I also had a couple of very short visits – just long enough to get ice cream – with my very best friend in the world who’s known me longer than anyone (had to mention that or she’ll send me crying face emojis after reading this).

My bucket has not only been refilled, it’s overflowing.

Other than that, we’ve been keeping busy with the usual stuff. Ray got a call from the yacht club to crew for a Saturday race. It’s the first time he’s been on a sailboat in over a decade so he was a little rusty but quickly got up to speed and thinks he passed the test. And we’ve been doing this stuff…